The Crier

Five YouTube Videos You Have to See

There are a lot of YouTube videos out there. Here’s five of the best

Gerald Gordinier · Amused · Feb 19, 2007

The virtuosic range of content present on YouTube, the video-sharing site that provides us everything from “Dick-in-a-Box,” to “Puppet Dick-in-a-Box,” to powerful feminist statements like “Box-in-a-Box,” can be its most persistent flaw. With over 65,000 videos uploaded every day, there’s a lot of schlock. Parsing through it can be hard. Luckily, The Crier has narrowed it down for you.

If you’re planning on traveling to an alternative state, get ready. Pack your… bags. Like the rapid movement of fingers in front of your eyes, these videos will inspire terror, heartbreak, and joy so profound, your mind won’t be able to help being blown.

Giant Girl Doll

Behold the creepy majesty of Giant Girl Doll, a forty-foot-something wooden marionette draped in chic European fashion. Marvel as she showers in elephant spray, licks a popsicle, and strolls through a lush park. Shudder as she devours your children and crushes your dreams to a cerebral lounge trumpet soundtrack.

Teddy Ruxpin

It was a hard show-and-tell crowd for one downtrodden student before Teddy Ruxpin entered the scene. “I’ll be friends with you, Teddy,” remarks one spellbound child. Mesmerized, his classmates bob their heads in unison. You may remember this deceptively unhuggable teddy bear mechanically reciting the contents of cassette tapes jammed into his removable spine, encouraging children to learn while leaving them with irreparable emotional scars. Teddy never closes his eyes when he talks. Teddy never sleeps. Burn him. Burn him, I say.

Bissell Kitty Half-Time Show

We wait for it all year: that singular event that inspires us to huddle with our friends and family around the television all day. It’s the biggest sporting event in the history of man-or-animal-kind. Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl. This year’s installment included this kitten-packed gem of a half-time show. Make sure to hold out for the finale. Orchestrated to The Hustle (extended version).

Portal

Too intense for some, this preview for Valve’s new game, Portal, combines the best of instructional video, soothing robotic voice, heavy metal, and, well, portals. About to be crushed by a metal spike ceiling? Use a portal. Need to cross that chasm of molten lava? A portal will do the trick. Jump into portals. Drop boxes through portals. Fly from one portal to another portal, into a third portal. Smash some robots (with a portal). Portals on trains, portals on planes. Portals.

Quantum Leap

In a world of cynicism and apathy, behold one man, Dr. Sam Beckett, leaping from life to life, striving to right what was once wrong. Things get a little crazy along the way, but to this upbeat brass soundtrack, what could possibly go wrong? Fly through time, through the sky, but be warned: To watch this clip is to doom yourself to a life spent pining for a blue flame silhouette to follow you in all your adventures. God Speed, Dr. Beckett.

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